KalaFarnham.com

Sparkling, glittery feeling inside
Bouncy, prancy, playful dancy.
Under the realization
That rejection
is just a metaphor for self-defeatism;
That detachment and self-sufficiency
breed respect and understanding;
And that innocence
creates peace and harmony.
Bitterness fades
Understanding sinks in
Dependency vanishes as detachment prevails.
Not so false as I once was
I am dancing in a vortex of crimson
Glinting innocence
Shimmering love.

Feeling alone I kiss fate on the back of the neck
And beckon it with flirtatious eyes ~
Do me some good:
Freeze time for a moment
Just for a moment ~
But still the clock ticks
Nothing happens.
I am insignificant to some greater power,
And perhaps words fall meaningless
As actions speak louder.
Philosophy messes with my mind ~
I must be going crazy.

I’m afraid to write
There is
a lack
Of inspiration
And the pen shakes free of my trembling hand
As emptiness claims more authority in my soul
I call for the forgiving tears of passion
But they have left me
alone
And without them the pen
Loses significance.
Erratic. I am erratic.
I chip away at my nail polish
Thoughtfully, thoughtlessly…
confusion reigns. I am unguided.
i am tired of this mediocre living.
I am weary of trying to escape a captivity
Which is eternal, at least
For now.
It drives into me.
The bars close in.
I am in pain.
I think about the irony of passion.

Your
Words
Burrowing in my skin
Piercing something
Within
Darkness.
Foresight

Almost like déjà vu
And just as unwelcome
As bad news on an already stormy day.

I wish something would just change.
I’m tired of waiting.
I get ancy.

What I wouldn’t give
To have placed before me a vast array of selections
Good, Ugly, Mysterious, Unfamiliar -
And with counsel and assurance, but no commands
To choose at will what I would have.
No worries of whether my choice is right or wrong
Because it was simply a basis
Of my best foresight at the time.
I know right might lead me farther,
But wrong will teach me best.

These wishes are devout extravagance, I suppose.
Still every waking day the yearning grows.
I never asked for:
Success
Admiration
Passion
Remembrance
Prestige
I just wanted to be free.
No orders, commands, angry faces of disapproval
Scouring me down discourteously
Asking me to follow Their path of choice in sincerity.
Because I can’t.
I can’t.
What I wouldn’t give to be free.