KalaFarnham.com

I’ve always been one to slight the rules
You say that I can’t, but I just did.

This world has taught me
That it ain’t about what I feel,
It’s about what’s real.

I don’t wanna be the same,
But I don’t wanna be alone:
There’s a controversy there.

Until recently I was under the assumption
That what you said is what you meant
But you’ve been lying to yourself
You’ve been lying to everybody else

Believe me, I want nothing more than to be decisive and sure
But I can’t find the truth if I don’t question these claims
You know it ain’t all true
I can’t find certainty within unquestioning belief
Because certainty most obviously is born out of doubt

Unquestioning belief feeds off biased proof
Uncovering the most likely truth
Then misguided certainty

I used to count on faith
But now I’m counting up the lies that are revealed.

My iron heart
With a dark filling.
Cold
Unforgiving
A pessimist
Condescending
Defensive and attacking.
A reflection
of my world impression
A guilty victim
Criminal offender
Maltreated
Hated, hating
Bitter.
Sick and tender
Cruel and unbending
Hopeless self-detriment.
Bloody, violent carrier of disease:
The virus is instilled,
Yet the host must be killed.

Moment of paralysis:

My brain’s rusted gears have decelerated
To a functionless galumph

Avidity destroyed, sensation goes numb

I harrow my nails across my skin -
Nothing.

Over frantic tinkling piano keys,
My once-beautiful voice screams for salvation
But repulsive echoes hit my ear,
Futility-ridden.

Blood-shot eyes, lifeless life-size
Focus gone. Blur.

Fragments.

Catatonic desperation,
A razor,
A trickle of vermillion -
Freezure.
But nothing.

you are so kind
that at your arrival i evaporate
into a thousand tinkling teardrops
racing down the transmuted windows
of my shattered heart. with a flick of your
hand, you have whisked away the fog and see
clearly, my state - you think nothing spiteful, and
tickle my core with mellifluous words that stroke my
tear ducts and give way to an outpour of liquid melodies.

My mouth ravaging in flames
My trust has been betrayed.
God damn the lovers and best friends
Because promises are lies,
And kindness is a temporary defense
Until the victims of my sadness
Escape from my pleading hands.
I am sickened by false empathy
So there is no need
To pledge your faith to me.
I am a lone soul,
I have built my own strength
Shaped my own world with fragile hands
Aching, grimy and hard.
The sting of interdependency’s curse
Lies fresh in my heart,
For it has stolen my autonomy,
And, leaving with all it desired,
Has left me bitterly numb.
In a callous world, I cut my chains
Taking my first step off the dock of dependency,
Straying from the crimson waves
Of a child’s selfless love.
Airborne, sans misguided trust:
My soul, untouchable.
I am one.